Navigating my social life as a QTIPOC Individual

Navigating my social life as a QTIPOC Individual

"I DON'T OWE YOU DAMN THING."

By Terrell Corrodus

**Artwork featured on this page is available on instagram @phaseart_** 

Navigating my social arena has been quite hard as I have found that being alone and living independently away from home has been challenging. I have lived away from home on and off for some years now and it’s now that I have found some belonging and peace within myself and through my experiences. Growing up, I found that I had no real understanding of my emotional development and it can be quite challenging identifying that you’re not the only one. I have come to see that now as I have gotten older. Being queer, black and transgender is three core parts of my identity and I have had to come to terms with them in various ways.

My identity is something that I remain within and it’s for me to construct or deconstruct however so I chose. The idea that we must all fall in line to an agenda of “perfection” is ludicrous. Many people who have shown ignorance towards me for how I identify have mostly been POC individuals who identify as cisgender or heterosexual (or all the above). I digress, this is not a blog about my distaste for something or rhetoric of hating others. But I can only say that all communities fall short in some way or another. For example, when I have had open dialogue with other black people about being queer and transgender, who don’t have any idea to what I am referring to; will find confusion in what I am saying. For some I am the first encounter of someone who identifies with being queer and/or transgender. The intersectionality’s within and around my identity can occasionally block any chance of connecting or bonding. Although I may identify as black , the person to whom I am speaking may identify in the same way but doesn’t quite understand where I am coming from or will block any chance of understanding so we are stuck in no-man’s land lost in the fog of uncertainty.

One occasion I was confronted about my queerness and trans identity, the question of “Are you a man or a woman?” popped into the atmosphere like a stale fart on aisle 4 in Tesco’s. I remember feeling uncomfortable with this question because for most part of my life I identified as a cisgendered woman , who was attracted to other cisgendered women and men but as time gone on and I have found the more likeminded individuals I have met the stronger and more confident I have become in my identity. I have never been afraid to answer these questions thanks to the many amazing people I have met within the community and how much that has shaped my unapologetic growth. But, for some reason on this occasion I was frightened almost to answer the question. There is more to this emotional state but, I will dive deeper into that later. Anyhow, I stumbled into a fit of rage, the question pushed me into the corner and was waiting to punch me “straight” in the face. I turned to them and said, “I identify with being me.” The contorted facial expression mixed with tinges of anger and confusion took them aback from the whole dialogue, they mentally and physically paused for quite some time.

In my world, there is no gender rules, there is no misogyny and violence, there is an understanding of mental health and connection of that to socialising and friendship, there is no rules on how a relationship should be and the limitations of love towards friends , lovers etc. there isn’t any of that so; when confronted with such a question of “Are you a man or a woman?” I simply answer with “I identify with being me.” There is no other way to answer such a question because you don’t owe them or society an answer, you don’t owe them a structured piece on how you should identify. There is no need, because for someone to even ask such a question, they don’t respect you as a human being.

In most social settings I am in I am surrounded by others like me who don’t think about these constructions of gender unless one feels the necessary (and I mean necessary) need to debunk or deconstruct such things. In my queer world, there is acceptance of emotions, there is love of all kinds, there is freedom of protection, freedom of choice in how you chose to navigate your social space. We as queer people must unfortunately learn how to speak and act in the “muggle world” (I use this term purely because it feels very similar to that). When you turn on the TV or go to the cinema, open your social media apps you’ll find blatant narratives of cisgender heterosexual people falling in love, kissing in public, holding hands, sharing their body love online, being nude, being openly sexual. For us, it’s a game of “how sharp is this eggshell and should I step on it?” this is NOT the way to live. When we are openly emotional, sexual or even showing our bodies in the context of self-love and growth it is flagged down, turned away. I have had accounts deleted, posts deleted but I will see cisgender men posting mirror selfies, half naked making references to their genitals and they get to keep the post going.

I am getting very frustrated and annoyed with how people have chosen to treat us because essentially, we have come to a new age of discrimination through the internet and social settings of the likes of Instagram and twitter. Time and time again I have seen my fellow trans /NB friends being flagged down, torn apart by people who fee that we are wrong and “perverted” for showing our bodies, for existing. Existing is a political statement, being able to share this with the world is a privilege we hold for those who are no longer here, who have lost the confidence and the faith due to an incident or some form of trauma. But we celebrate us all. Within the cisgender heterosexual world I see nothing but conflict. With shows like “Love Island” or “90 day fiancé”, pitting men and women against each other because society for a long time has believe this is healthy competition, when in reality is has allowed for women to fight each other over men, allowed men to feel insecure and bottle their emotions so they can lash out on others and themselves. The only time I’ve seen celebration of women and men as beings is for a “relationship goals” post or a #WCW post which evokes some immediate gratification of wanting something that isn’t realistic and doesn’t hold value.

As queer people we are constantly faced with bigotry and abuse, we are constantly told we are not safe or we need to hide something about ourselves, but the time has come to celebrate young and old, everyone. Show the outside world that we love and protect our own and we compete against each other but in healthy ways through dance and music, not using violence or social media as a platform for hate. Now, I am not saying the entire community of heterosexuals is behaving as described as above, but social conditioning has allowed them to be blind to our struggle as queer people, as trans/NB fxlk, as people of colour, as immigrants, as people with disabilities (I use this term loosely because people with any kind of disability are allowed to live life and thrive and should be respected as human beings. PERIOD.) Any that doesn’t identify as a white, cisgender, heterosexual individual will find that there are blockades in their journey in life.

For some these identities are at a crossroad where one has met the other and this is called intersectionality. Everyone has one to some degree, but the conversation of intersectionality almost always falls into the hands of people of colour, because for much of modern history (anything recorded or essentially due to colonialism.) we have been subject to abuse, the LGBTQ+ community has been subject to abuse, those who fall into the intersectionality of LGBTQ+ and POC can find this to be a rough road. Therefore, allies are so important because they can boost our mission of equality, but we mustn’t be reliant on them as it’s OUR voices that NEED to be HEARD. We must find a common ground yes, but we need to rally together; create activism wherever you are in a safe environment (if possible) and fight for each other. Be the voices of change. When I look back on myself as a child, I would’ve never thought that I would be writing essays and blogs about being black and proud of my identity, the insecurity is too strong. But we must unlearn certain learned behaviours in order to see that there are levels, but the foundation must be stable. We the ones who are out their being unapologetically ourselves are the catalyst for change, for peace and for equality.

So, to answer the ungodly question of “Are you a man or a woman?” I say to you that I am Terrell, I am trans , I am black, I am BPD, I am depression, I am sexy, I am beautiful , I am an activist, I am PROUD and I identify with being myself.”